aNsWerS??

there's plenty of things are not explained... sometimes when u r lucky u get an answer, when u r powerful u might be able to force an answer out, but when it's not meant to be u would nv get an answer no matter how hard you try...

for myself, i've tried searching for answers all my life..
i search for answers to whereby why does this person have to treat me lidat? (be it nice or vice versa) why did things have to turn out this way? (be it beautiful or ugly) there's always plenty of question marks in my head.. i'm not so lucky, normally i dun realli get an ans.. i choose to whip something up, at other times i simply assumed that i created too much bad karma in the past by ignoring ppl that i shldnt have and ill-treating them i guess..

i realised that i luv putting plenty of 'full-stops' at the end of my sentences.... there's a reason for this.. i'm dragging this entire sentence.. it's not as simple as 'full-stop' and its the end of the sentence.. i'm lingering on as if i was clinging onto it.... i dun wan it to end abruptly...

its true that somethings i whip up an answer but half the time i'm so not convinced by myself and when i need the assurance that things are going to turn out fine, i dun see it... i'm such a lousy actress, i simply cant fake it... there's so many things going thru my head for the past 2 weeks and i simply cant put a stop to any of it... i cant pretend as if nothing has happened, coz in my heart its as in something has changed... why do u have to snap at me at the little things that i tot was not at all significant... i regretted dinner so much bcoz of that stretch of road.. i hated dinner bcoz u seem as if u didnt wanna listen to my stories, stories that i'm sure u would wanna listen if it was me telling u 6 months ago... baby have u changed? sometimes i just dont get it... i dunno how to hide this issue that has gotten to my heart... baby, why dun u wanna talk abt it anymore? and i hated dinner bcoz u didnt even bear to hold my hand... m i such an embarrasment? or it is simply bcoz it might be easier to let go later? or u dun even need to let go since u haven held it? perhaps u must be thinking that i'm spouting nonsense and acting as if i had the worst pms that any female could possibly experience?? i ask myself what have i done to feel like that? not having enough concern for u?? sometimes i realli dun understand...

u dun like me planning so far ahead so u couldnt give me an answer.. right now, i'm searching for an answer which i think i might have to whip up again... u dun like me pestering u abt certain things and why cant u simply tell me the 1st time it happened?

i always tot that i've gone past the stage whereby 'us' was not existant in your circle of friends.. but apparently it was not.. the 'us' that i tot is also not true under other circumstances.... in these circumstances when i should have kept my mouth shut... simply bcoz i was almost non-existant.. u can say that i'm pms-ing again, but to me, it matters... there's a saying whereby, pisceans are mysterious creatures, i cant agree more..

baby, tell me it isnt real.. tell me that i've been hallucinating abt all these events, tell me that all these dun not exist at all...