down with a bug~

BLOCKED NOSE!!!

super annoying... i cant stand it.... i feel so sleepy all the time and now it's SATURDAY!!! omg... i cant imagine how i'm to go out later... i didnt take any medication and i wanna slp alreadi.. i cant imagine if i took the medication, i'll probably fall aslp in the car even b4 i alight!!!

i wanna go relax tonight! so damn tired and i had to fall sick... but i think its all the result of my own-doing... so there goes my karma again... yes, i do curse esp at the idiotic jerk but i dun care... its worth the while regardless.. there's so much that i can go on n on for days n i wun b able to finish... i shall drop that for today coz i'm too tired to think abt that now...

think i need to catch up on slp over the weekend... will update tml wherever i'm going tonight.. tata...

so much going on

body system down for the past 2 days... slept for less than 2 hours the night b4, only wake up to have a my mouth couldnt realli open wide, throat feeling sore, neck having a stiff ache, stomach having a pain... how much better can it get?! i couldnt swallow much water, not to mention solid food.... had all sorts of pain everywhere... imagine i only had 60% of a popia, a slice of chocolate biscuit and a small corner of so 'mi chang kueh' until abt 7 plus... n for dinner i had a little bit of fried bee hoon for dinner...

and den by 2045hr, i was knocked out... i fell aslp with my mum in my room watching tv... the next moment i knew, it was 0440hr (28/09) n again within 10 sec, my eyes were closed and met alice in wonderland once again... i must thank every1 in my batch who were so concerned, seeing my having so much pain since yesterday... realli appreciated those who msg-ed and every1 who came up whether offering to carry my bag or just simply asking me how i was..

my goodness... more than 9 hours of slp n i still couldnt wake up... still have a bad ache in my neck... mayb i shld go for a massage asap... probably some weekday next week... dun have time this week... exams in on sat (thanks bestie for your wishes!! she's leaving on sat n i dun think i can send her :( )

let's see how it goes...

pain~

feeling super grouchy today...

i'm trying to survive thru this pain... its been around since this morning... the ache in the left side close to where my heart is... its super painful... so feel like wanna die from it... previously it was on the right, now it has shifted... cant realli raise my left arm above my head... feel as if i m a person with limbs... dunno what's the problem...
it's throbbing...

Saturday

i'm sure bestie would be v upset with me for this.... coz i didnt appear for her chalet... she's so gotta kill me... and its the second time that i didnt inform her properly... the thing is i've already planned for velvet a week ago... den few days later bestie asked if i could go to her chalet... i seriously wanted to go after training on sat coz its not too far away... but... it was late and i need to go home and get some stuff settled b4 meeting my frenz... n bcoz i've already arranged for a fren to pick me up from my place and i cant possibly request to be picked up from changi coz we both stay in the west...

but realli, i'm so so sorry for not going... i realli pray that she's not bad coz she didnt reply my msg last night... probably she might stranggle me...



putting that aside, last night was good... i totally couldnt understand why some1 would say its not fun?! had some even b4 i stepped into the car... somehow for dunno what reason every1 i met yest was telling me that i had too much... just bcoz they smelled alcohol on me even at 10.30... perhaps my liver is slow just like my hair follicles... duh!

anyway... b4 i got off the car, i so happened to see the rest of the gang smoking outside, i was like "omg, those babes are so gorgeous with their hair let down..." shit, i'm so gotta be last (honestly, i dun care either) seriously they are drop dead gorgeous!! hot babes...

300th entry!!!

This is the 300th entry... n boy, i'm amazed!!

There's so much to cover and yet everytime i dun get enough time to put it all down...
i've got a shock today, not from the visit to the nursing home but from the call that i've received... what an idiot... disturbing me while i was on the highway... i could almost have slipped off the seat... the person on the other lind got the hell of scolding from me... for all the shit, i still think u deserve shit... for all that u have done... i'm waiting to see what u r going to do, prove me wrong and not yourself... coz bad karma comes in tonnes for u...


having test next week alreadi... and i haven realli studied for it... quite worried abt it seriously.. so long since i've sat down and concentrate so hard on a pc of white paper... need plenty of tips and i need plenty of bird's nest (i dun wan essence of chicken coz i dun drink that!) but some of mum's chicken soup would b good... hehe... and if i can expand the menu, i would like some oysters too, but if the budget dun allow sashimi would be nice... lotsa wasabe pls!!

p/s time has been changed to coincide with the entry! heh!

FoReVer~

i feel so blessed.. went out with bb on sun... had to get some powder puffs and pants so asked him to accompany me... i wanted to eat crystal jade so much at the same time... i love having him around coz he will nv grumble that i'm fat even if i'm the size of doraemon... but i know i will nv stand myself being lidat...

i didnt have much money since i went for training, so he always make sure that i have enough with me... bring me out for dinner whenever he can... (coz being men, he likes 'bak bak')

i had a GREAT surprise...
we were walking around taka, n happened to see a credit card booth... and den bb walked str up to the 'salesman' and asked for a sub card for me!! i realli didnt expect that... bcoz we always talk abt it n i always treated it as a joke...

i simply feel so blessed to be with him...
some1 who is so sweet, thought abt the possibility that i might need a card when i'm overseas...
thought of what kinda '1st-aid' kit that i might need...
some1 who can accept me liking mickey mouse characters..
what i would look presentable in...

there's so much, so much that i luv abt him...
his thoughtful-ness
his ability to predict me or my actions
etc, etc, etc...



there's nothing more than i can say

Baby,
i love u!

mOrE ThOuGhtS``

went winebar for a little while last night... its quite annoying to know that the ppl there offer u a RESERVED seat and inform u that u need to give up the seat when the reservation comes in... wth... why bother to offer a RESERVED seat den... so annoying... nvm that...


recently there's this issue abt being sad..

den what is it to
party too hard?
drink over ya usual limit?
staying out later den normal?
avoiding that topic totally?
jumping at things that u nv tot u will?
laughing just a bit more?

probably its just an attempt to hide for the moment... enjoy it while it lasts... i cannot imagine what its going to be like at times.. the moment of truth might be out anytime, i just dun wanna know.. live for the moment...

i'm happy just to know that bb loves me!

ThOuGhtS``

been so so busy training... and the fatigue that sets in by 8.30pm... feels that i cant leave my couch by 9.30pm... and by 10.30 i would be knocked out... wanted to watch grey's anatomy so much last night, but by 9.45 i was alreadi in bed meeting alice-in-wonderland... my goodness... so much for being an elderly with the routine of having go to bed early and waking up early...

no more late nights for me for the time being.. need plenty of rest to prevent dark rings... not too much drinks or my eyes will puff up... need alot of beauty essentials otherwise will have plenty of wrinkles after removing make-up...

everyone must be thinking "if u wanted this job initially u would have thought abt the thick make-up and hairstyle and everything..." but honestly, i nv knew it was so thick, the bun has to be so hard.. and definitely nv knew that u had to greet every1 at any time of the day... the only thing that i knew was probably the red lip-stick and bright red nail polish... at that point i realli didnt mind the red nail polish coz i luv my mani and pedis...

but i was so wrong when i met one of my frenz recently... i felt kinda 'discounted' coz there was mention of the super red nail polish and its was the v typical 'stewardess look'... i so badly wanted to say, THAT's the look that i shld have... if u think that its an embarrassment to be hanging out with a stewardess-to-be den i'm sorry... coz i'm junior and not like that some1 u know, who doesnt use such bright nail polish... but DUN belittle me! i'm sure i can win her and make u take your words back... we can be good frenz but dont doubt the ability of making me ignore u... we can 'insult' each other and make fun, but i cannot stand it when i meant business and the fact that u upset me.. its alreadi bad if u dun realise it and i'm upset that u dun even care the least whereby normal frenz shld... so be it then...

putting that aside, let me revert the 'energy' to being able to keep myself awake for the night.. bb's going home tonight... so i'm gotta be a bit bored... no1 to accompany me :( i miss seeing him (though i saw him the day b4)

meanwhile can only wait for a few more days... wait for him to return and make him bring accompany me... hehe...

for my beautiful dream

there seems to be something wrong with blogger... or its just my computer... i CANT upload my photos... its so sickening...

1st, it was the hardisk crashing... causing me to temporarily lose some photos and the video clip of the fireworks that i've taken last month @ marina sq.. i cant upload the photos i took with bb @ sentosa... i cant load the pictures that we took with fen at raku! so many i cants... oh pls, some1 teach me how to link both the hard drive tog den i can retrieve whatever i've left in there...

been taught all the appropriate makeup today... i know its super thick, but that's the way it is... and think abt it, if the rest of my seniors can do it, why cant i?? if they can get up early to do, i think i can... (so no more 'nightlife' for me... sob sob...) cannot choing or go pub on weekdays anymore... (not that i always go) i like the feeling whereby i can slp at anytime late and wun not be bothered by fatigue the morning after.. i love the sensation at night when either alone or with your beloved ones, sitting there thinking of nice thoughts or just sharing your thoughts for what has happened recently, updating each other abt your life... meanwhile, all these having some wine or chilled beers or simply some iced-cold martini... ooooooooo... enjoy life lei... i simply adore the idea of being able to sit there and relax totally... chill...

i'm waiting for the day whereby my house will have a wide window for us to sit around... allow us to sit there and see the sunset, enjoying our drinks and not think abt anything else except beautiful thoughts..

baby, i luv u...

aNsWerS??

there's plenty of things are not explained... sometimes when u r lucky u get an answer, when u r powerful u might be able to force an answer out, but when it's not meant to be u would nv get an answer no matter how hard you try...

for myself, i've tried searching for answers all my life..
i search for answers to whereby why does this person have to treat me lidat? (be it nice or vice versa) why did things have to turn out this way? (be it beautiful or ugly) there's always plenty of question marks in my head.. i'm not so lucky, normally i dun realli get an ans.. i choose to whip something up, at other times i simply assumed that i created too much bad karma in the past by ignoring ppl that i shldnt have and ill-treating them i guess..

i realised that i luv putting plenty of 'full-stops' at the end of my sentences.... there's a reason for this.. i'm dragging this entire sentence.. it's not as simple as 'full-stop' and its the end of the sentence.. i'm lingering on as if i was clinging onto it.... i dun wan it to end abruptly...

its true that somethings i whip up an answer but half the time i'm so not convinced by myself and when i need the assurance that things are going to turn out fine, i dun see it... i'm such a lousy actress, i simply cant fake it... there's so many things going thru my head for the past 2 weeks and i simply cant put a stop to any of it... i cant pretend as if nothing has happened, coz in my heart its as in something has changed... why do u have to snap at me at the little things that i tot was not at all significant... i regretted dinner so much bcoz of that stretch of road.. i hated dinner bcoz u seem as if u didnt wanna listen to my stories, stories that i'm sure u would wanna listen if it was me telling u 6 months ago... baby have u changed? sometimes i just dont get it... i dunno how to hide this issue that has gotten to my heart... baby, why dun u wanna talk abt it anymore? and i hated dinner bcoz u didnt even bear to hold my hand... m i such an embarrasment? or it is simply bcoz it might be easier to let go later? or u dun even need to let go since u haven held it? perhaps u must be thinking that i'm spouting nonsense and acting as if i had the worst pms that any female could possibly experience?? i ask myself what have i done to feel like that? not having enough concern for u?? sometimes i realli dun understand...

u dun like me planning so far ahead so u couldnt give me an answer.. right now, i'm searching for an answer which i think i might have to whip up again... u dun like me pestering u abt certain things and why cant u simply tell me the 1st time it happened?

i always tot that i've gone past the stage whereby 'us' was not existant in your circle of friends.. but apparently it was not.. the 'us' that i tot is also not true under other circumstances.... in these circumstances when i should have kept my mouth shut... simply bcoz i was almost non-existant.. u can say that i'm pms-ing again, but to me, it matters... there's a saying whereby, pisceans are mysterious creatures, i cant agree more..

baby, tell me it isnt real.. tell me that i've been hallucinating abt all these events, tell me that all these dun not exist at all...

tears arent beautiful

i dunno if its good or bad... but once again, i can feel as if my tears were to flow... is it the 2nd or 3rd time? or is it the umpteen-th time? i realli cant remember...

it wasnt meant to be a challenge... it wasnt meant to be something bad... at a certain point i kinda cant get it... and the sadest thing is that u dun wanna explain it.. what can i do if the communication is only one way?

i'm holding back my tears...
u know my weakness... and i dun wan it to be pity or just to make me stop... i need you to understand and most imptly i wan to go thru this with u... but do u understand?